Wow, I can't believe the utter hypocrisy!

There was a time I used to LOVE church!

I used to LOVE the Lord (now my feelings towards Him are a little love/hate) and LOVE the folks at church back home in North Carolina. I guess it's because the people there were more like me. Down to earth, real.....

Not here in good ol'Valpo. When I was an active member here, I might well have been invisible but for when someone would need someone to take meals to someone, sub for Sunday school, that kinda thing. Or of course also too when I would have to hear of ways my husband could 'better' himself as his jobs do seem to pale in comparison to the many doctors and lawyers in this particular ward (Mormon term for congregation) I would reappear miraculously.

As I have stated in past blog, Alexa is the picture perfect little lds girl. She remains active. So, this evening after I pick her up after a meeting with the YW's, you would be amazed at the sugary sweet smiles I got and the great concern they seemed to have for me not being there. WTF? Ummm, was I born yesterday?

I think I accepted the "omg, there's the bad sinner who no longer goes to church stares" alot better than the fake bs. If nothing else, got a semi laugh.

Another hard thing about going there is the many pregnancies. Ouch. Those who had their last children the same time I did are now already swelled with other pregnancies. Lets bring out that salt and rubbing alcohol for my wounds. That would sting maybe a little less I think.

I am still praying for a miracle but most days, my prayers fall on deaf ears.

God, do you think that maybe thou could grant me this one prayer? I will continue to live in a crackerbox compared to the more privileged in town, I will continue to live without any passion in other aspects, and I won't be too upset. Opps, there I go again, wheeling and dealing.

Strike me dead.