Why does our bodies have to be so complicated?

Good morning friends and fellow bloggers....

Well, the trip went pretty well, I suppose, but for Chicago traffic, which could have lengthend the trip at least a half hour!

When I finally met Steve, all apprehension disappeared, I was at ease up until the insemination, lol. It was just a different scenario but it still went well, not bad at all. After all was done, he showed us some attractions in the town he lives in which was cool. Yeah, Steve is a good guy. I hope beyond hope that he will be the one to give me the baby I want so bad.

I hope this worked but I am seeing my body snafu (situation normal all effed up!) on me...:(

I timed this so it would be a couple of days before my peak because ideally, when working with fresh sperm, the swimmers should be there for the egg before O. However, my body is totally not showing its typical O signs which should be happening right now.

What is the absolute height of irony? The fact that every single other month, my body is perfectly clockwork. Once I make two 'small' changes (diet and vitamins) it goes into another direction entirely. Maybe because I was a little more nervous than normal that made a diff?

This weekend will tell for sure if things follow suit from the other months. At least this month, I am prepared for the disappointment, I can feel the hurt now and get it over with if my body does not go in the direction it is supposed to over the weekend. No nerve wracking TWW analyzing every single symptom, just get my tears out now and wait for another month of hope.

As I write this I want to cry. I want to with everything in me but I am fighting it. Crying tires me out like nothing else. I just want to understand some things.

I am not prepared to say that it was 'not meant to be' this time. Not now. Like I said, even with the frozen sperm, my body ALWAYS did what it was supposed to (well, last cycle I was off by one day and frozen sperm have a very short life span) but it was somehow worse than other times now. Soley for the reason that my body has never snafued like this in all the times of TTC.

Maybe I can go back to bed and sleep it all away. Wow, times like this I can see how people take to drinking.....hafrigginha.

Until later, I guess I will try to drift off to dreamland where things go well and I am happy. At least some of the time anyways..:(