Good morning Saturday

Hmm,

I think I will try a new letter style this morning, why not?

Korinne continues to be a very restless baby. I did break down around 2am and take a sleeping pill. I slept until about 6am and from then, it was broken sleep until about 9am. I think that between those hours, every worry I have about darn near everything manifested in my sleep. I still do not feel all the way rested.

I am so ready for this other baby, believe it or not, lol. I think once I finally concieve again, I can relax. I forgot how much TTC was so stressful. I guess once I got pregnant with Korinne, I thought my woes of TTC were over and the next baby would be easy to have. Who knows why he/she is so hard won?

Could it be that it was not in His time yet? Is there some reason that he/she has to be born at another time?

Were you ladies right, I was meant to have a baby that was not from the other frozen donors I used? God is waiting to give me the right baby from the right donor?

Is Steve the right donor? In my heart of hearts, I feel he is. Am I going to get cut a break and concieve Thursday?

I have never met a donor in the manner in which I will be meeting this one before and I am so nervous. We have had a wonderful communication since we 'met' a couple of weeks ago. I know so much about him and he knows so much about me and my little family. I do wonder though, will I be so nervous when I see him the first time that I will say and do the stupidest things and he will think 'do I want to donate to her'?

I am so used to unknown donors. I would order the vials and there they would sit beside my bed, awaiting me until I got those two dark lines on my OPK's. I never knew the men in which the seed came from, his thoughts, his dreams, his passion in life. Very little was written from them.

I look at Korinne and see such shockingly blue eyes. I know they did not come from me, mine are a dark green, and wonder if 'Mr.4000' has those eyes. He has to.

I think it will be nice to know the other half of my baby to comes heritage. I will see him or her do something and can ask Steve is that one of the things you do? Will the baby have Steves blonde hair and blue eyes? Will the baby be tall like both of us? I wonder if he/she will inherit the personality of Steve, mild mannered, or me, high strung?

I know that some people who read this may not understand me. Back when I was with my first husband, and baby making was not a problem, I am not sure if I could have related totally. Infertility, male or female factor can sure change alot. Part of me mourns the fact that I will never have a genetic part of Tony. The other part of me is thankful that these men known as donors will help make our dreams a reality. The children may not have Tonys genetics, but the influence he seems to have on all of them will be very prominent.

As for the rest of my Saturday, I think I will take the girls and Korinne (the boys are off to a skatepark today) and walk to the parks nearby. I will be doing the usual grind of errands later this morning but this afternoon, I think I will dedicate my time to the outdoors for a little while.

Friends, please keep us in your thoughts and prayers at this time that this will all have a positive outcome and we will finally have our family complete soon.

And all of you, I never forget any of you and your desires to achieve your dreams whether it be motherhood for the first time, or growing your families, or anything else you may stand in want or need of in your life.

Blessings and good thoughts to you all.....