A huge slap in the face!

I think I failed to mention that I am in the tww...Sorta.

I am almost certain I had an anovulatory cycle. I did OPKs until about cd 20, and around 15 dpo, it got "almost" but never did quite get there, and then it slowly began to decline in color.

Tony and I of course "tried"(always hopeing for another miracle) and then there was donor assistance in the cycle. I am a self proclaimed POAS (pee on a stick) addict and so there the stupid dollar cheapie test was calling my name from the bathroom cabinet "Weeeeeennnnndddyyyy, Weeeennnndddyyy, come on, you know you want to pee on me!" And so I did and for a shining moment, there is was, a second line, faint but there. Then the test dried. No mor eline, line go bye bye. Big Fat Ugly negative. This is not the first time I had this happen with one of these tests. I mean, what did I expect? That one of the spermies someone went in and dragged the egg out?

Now I just want Aunt Flow to show her ugly face! At least then, I can start over instead of sit in this damned wait. To make matters worse, I have a friend who has a baby Sky's age who is now 24 weeks pregnant and I have to listen to her OBSESS over every ache and pain and of course overreact over every single one.

I am so happy that I have Sky-B to hold and love. He has to be the most beautiful baby boy I have ever known (sorry Chad and Jeremy:P) and I feel even more blessed that he's mine. Even when I have to change his horrendous little poopies, cloth diapered yet, I can't help but to be thrilled this little boy is mine. BUT, I so badly want another. It's not as though I am not grateful for what I DO have, because I am, trust me. I guess only other large family moms know what I am feeling.

I hate this phase of my life. I will be SO HAPPY when my family is complete.